Living on a Prayer

We are pilgrims on the journey 

We are family on the road

We are here to help each other

Walk the mile and bear the load.

-Servant Song

Richard Gillard

Albergaria-a-Vehla to São João da Madeira 29.2 km

We talked and we talked. We had said goodbye to Arrigo that morning in a cafe, hugging tightly over a last pastel de Nata and we started walking, Alex and I, lost in our own thoughts. As the sun rose higher we starting asking each other questions, questions that are not normally asked, since there is a certain safety in talking with someone you may not see again. 

"Did your childhood leave any negative effects that you are dealing with now?"

"My husband would say so." I snorted, "I get only so close to people, but I never take that last step."

"Would you have changed anything if you could?"

Alex and I had shared our family stories over much wine, many days back and so he asked with genuine curiosity.  I paused at his question thinking back over a chaotic childhood and a father who still has yet to tell his other daughters about me. 

"No...no," I said, convincing myself as well as Alex. "I have fought because of it, the things I have are mine; my music, my education. I would not be so strong otherwise. And I like to think that my past allows me to see others clearer.. I hope!" 

Our conversation continued long as I turned Alex's questions back on him. While I enjoyed his responses, diving into a life and a family I did not know or understand, his story is only his to tell, not mine in this space. So let it suffice to say that I have great respect for his parents and the mountains they've figuratively climbed. 

May God give you double what you wish me.

"Were you ever lonely?" said the foster kid to the boarding school kid. We dove in to the space  between and filled it with common ground.

After lunch we stole moments under a tree in front of a church, hiding from the afternoon sun for the space of a nap. I had intended to write while Alex dreamed away, but as the leaves of the tree above were so lovely, I felt no need to look elsewhere.  

"After traveling solo for so long, I still feel nervous eating alone in a restaurant."

"I hate tapas, what if you order too much, or not enough? What if you spend too much money and end up going home hungry?"

"I don't think there is any danger of you ordering too much!"

"I don't know if I will take a rest day in Porto, how do I know what to see or when I have seen enough?"

"Just sit in a cafe and watch the world go by." 

Alex and I arrived in the late afternoon to Sao Joao amidst a festival complete with a Bon Jovi cover duo in the main square. I sang embarrassingly loud with every song while Alex tried to figure out the way to our showers and beds at Misericordia. I was no help at all, distracted by the chorus of Dead or Alive.

After cleaning up at Misericordia, we were on our way out the door to dinner when a small woman grabbed me in a firm excited hug. This tiny, soft spoken, Canadian woman had shared a floor with me last year on the northern route! But of course, I can't remember her name.

"I heard there was a girl from Chicago with a ukulele on the Camino and I knew that you had to be around here somewhere!"

Later, as all slept, I sat outside with a huge blanket of stars.

*****

Alexander and I said goodbye at a crossroad early in the morning. We had everything and nothing to say and managed the most awkward hug imaginable. (I should have taken off my backpack) but we had spent the last twelve days becoming friends. He turned toward Santiago, chasing life with each step, and I turned, slightly less confidently, towards a train that would take me back to Tomar to sing for the Sunday evening mass. As I walked slowly down the hill, St. James put his arm around my stooped shoulders and hugged me to his side.

"Isn't it amazing, Jen? Each day you watch the news and walk in the streets and you lose a little more faith in humanity. You think, how can people be so cruel, hate so much?  But then you come to the Camino and your faith is restored. Think about it! Think about Genevieve, Daniele, Lorenzo, Gilles, Hafid, Karin, Paul, Dimitri and now Alex and Arrigo . Think of all the people that have taught you along this path, all the people that you have sent your love with. And imagine that if you started a day later or earlier, there are others who would hold pieces of your heart. Perhaps the human race is not as bad off as you think!"

I sighed woefully and prepared myself for the inevitably complicated train trip ahead. 

We have kittens.